they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
