Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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