Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
