I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
