Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
