His hands were made for my vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
