I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
