Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
