Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
