How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize