exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
