That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
