hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
