but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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