I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
