thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
