yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
