I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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