how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
