the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Acid is not a monday night drug
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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