Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
