I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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