Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
