i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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