you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
