this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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