I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
