Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
