This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
