the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
