He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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