I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
