yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
