I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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