I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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