Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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