Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
