Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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