My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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