dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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