she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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