I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
