I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize