i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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