I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
