He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
