He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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