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i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
