Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize