Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
