my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
