My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
