Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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