He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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