Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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