I think my vagina is haunted
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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