Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's paint friendship bongs
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
