i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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