Sponge bath it is.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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