you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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