my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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