There was a lot of him and a little penis
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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