Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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