So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
