Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
