I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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