I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
