just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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