I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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