Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
