thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
