The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize