Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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