I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize