as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
