Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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