Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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